i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
