Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
