i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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