hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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