roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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