anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
