Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Someone shit on the floor
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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