it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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