Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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