you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
