Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
