Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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