Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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