Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
