i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
