were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
