how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
