Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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