Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
