How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
