Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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