I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
