I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
