Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
