If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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