if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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