I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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