I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
