I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
