i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My life is pants optional.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
