I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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