Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
