Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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