so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
