So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
