Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
