Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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