Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
