I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
