I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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