Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
