just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
