That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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