I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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