Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
