rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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