Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
