i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you will always have a special place in my vag
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
