I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
