I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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