Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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