Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
