Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
